Sometimes a break up is permanent and other times it’s a temporary thing that’s just necessary in making the relationship stronger and having an even better chance for a successful relationship in the long run.
It’s definitely possible to have more success with round two, but is it right for your situation? Here’s some advice on the things to consider when you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex.
Make Sure The Main Issue That Drove You Apart Is Resolvable
There is a reason that the relationship didn’t work the last time you dated—maybe more than one reason. So, if this is going to work this time, one or both of you must have evolved. Unless you’ll address the issues that broke you up to begin with, it’s just going to happen again and again. It’s important to pinpoint why you broke up in the first place and if that reason is something that can be worked through. It’s up to you to decide if the reasons for the breakup are resolvable or deal breakers.
Don’t Hold On To The Past
Any relationship with a poor foundation will crumble. If you go into version 2.0 of the relationship with negative feelings about your first go-around, those feelings (bitterness, jealousy, anger, sadness, and so on) will manifest now, too. Many people who get back together with an ex choose to look at the relationship as a brand new relationship, which helps them address their feelings in a healthier way.
Let’s say your ex cheated on you, physically or emotionally. You have to be truly willing to give them another chance, otherwise you’ll end up crucifying them for the past every time you get upset. It’s perfectly normal and okay to have old wounds, but you need to be able to talk about them calmly and respectfully together to avoid an unhealthy cycle of criticism. Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process, and if you’re struggling to move forward with it while being with your ex, you may want to hold off for a bit.
Be Clear About The Future
Sure, there’s magic in living in the moment — but the key to making it last is to acknowledge the potential impact it’ll have in the future. As tempting as reaching out to your ex may seem, remember to look at the bigger picture if the reunion were to occur. Before you commit to your decision, also remember to consider the reasons for why you want the reunion. In general, being lonely doesn’t mean being in love, and you owe it to yourself to know the difference between the two.
Take It Slow
It’s all very exciting in the beginning, when you and your ex are hanging again. But before you go posting couples shots all over Insta and jumping right back into double dates take a second to chill and be mindful of how you’re feeling with the other person. There’s no proven formula for what speed you should move at, but it can be incredibly helpful to slow down and take a beat before you slap a label on things again.
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